new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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