It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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