My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
