38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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