I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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