I wish my penis had an off switch
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
