you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
