I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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