Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
