Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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