dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
