I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
