i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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