Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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