walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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