Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
