my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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