I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
