the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
