Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
