Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
