you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
