I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just cut my nipple shaving
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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