What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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