one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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