Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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