if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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