Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
