from now on my penis is your penis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
