I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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