So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
