If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
false alarm. still invincible.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
