Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
