i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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