these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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