I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize