you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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