He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
