I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
