Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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