he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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