My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
