My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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