I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
