So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Even my vagina gasped.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
