I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
