She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
