I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
