I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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