I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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