i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
