Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
