When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize