that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
