just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
pop tarts are not kleenex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
