Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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