I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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