fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Welp...herpes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
