Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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