Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
