WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
