i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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