I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
