then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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