you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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