I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
