theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
