We won't sleep together?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
