You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I want is dick and wine.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
