Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
