I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
