we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
